Trust Relationships
Trust Relationships
We are surrounded by a culture that is soaked in contention, accusation, and mistrust. We’re suspicious of our politicians, the media, business leaders, educational leaders, and even church leaders. Suspicion is the default.
In such a time, we must learn a different way. We must learn to recognize, prioritize and move among trust relationships. Or put another way, better to have 5 high-trust relationships than hundreds of low-trust relationships!
According to Stephen Covey, when trust goes down in a relationship, on a team, or in a company, everything takes longer and costs more. When trust goes up, “Everything happens faster and everything costs less…”
Roger Dean Duncan says, “Trust is the operating system of every relationship… if the computer’s operating system has a glitch, nothing seems to work right.”
A Network of Relationships
I think the church is in a major transition. On the other side of this transition we will see that the church has become a network, not held together by creeds, institutions or dynamic personalities, but by trust relationships. We’re moving toward an ecclesiology of relationships.
Creeds are certainly important, but, have you noticed that you can share the same creed and not have trust? And yes, structures will emerge, but structures that are built around and support Christ-centered relationships.
Just like the basic unit of all matter is the atom, the basic organizing unit of the Church is trust relationships. These relationships which join us together in Christ are spoken of in the Scripture as “joints.” Ephesians 4:16 says that the whole body is “joined and held together by every joint,” or point of joining. What holds us together? Connecting relationships - they make us into the body of Christ. No trust relationships, no viable body of Christ.
And, as Paul goes on to say in that 16th verse, the Church is built up in love by the supply that comes from those relationships. It’s in unity that God commands a blessing (Psalm 133). The purposes of God flourish where hearts are united.
What to look for
• Look for God-initiated relationships.
In 1 Sam. 18, we see an example: “…the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.” They didn’t knit their souls together. God knit them together. God will do the same for us. My most treasured relationships have just shown up in front of me. God sent them. They were surprises!
O Lord, give us eyes to see those you are sending.
• Look for those who listen to you and understand you.
This has become a gauge for me of relationships to invest in. In these friendships, you can speak imperfectly and still be understood. In lesser relationships, you can speak perfectly and be misunderstood.
• Look for those who want to give and not take.
Steer clear of those who would try to use you, even if their cause seems like a good cause. Don’t waste your time where there’s manipulation, intimidation or domination. Those are trust-killers! Give yourself where you know that the heart of the other is genuinely to build you up, to edify you.
Even Jesus did not give himself to some of those who believed in him. “But Jesus on his part did not entrust himself to them, because he knew all people” (John 2:24).
Rearrange your investments
You only have so much “relationship capital.” Ask yourself, “how am I invested?” All of us have a second circle of “hi-how-are-you” acquaintances, and then a more disposable third circle of “please-friend-me” contacts. To let the trusted relationships become your first circle, you may need to rearrange your investments. Take some capital out of the second and third circles, and reinvest in the first.
Look for and invest in trust relationships. Or, to expand, look for and invest in God-initiated, Christ-centered, trust relationships through which we know and are known by the others.
Behold, how good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity! (Ps. 133:1)
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